I’m coming to realize how much fear immobilizes me.
I never saw myself as a fearful person, yet I’m beginning to see how much it gets in the way of the things I have in my heart to do or say (considering I’ve wanted to write this post for three weeks and every time I try I end up staring at a blank screen…).
I easily justify my lack of action with excuses.
I don’t have enough time. There’s just too much to do. I’m too tired. I don’t know what to say. It’s not really that important anyway.
Lies. All of it.
I have plenty of time for the things that truly matter. I remember that when I put down the phone and iPod and laptop and just be. Letting go of distractions is uncomfortable. Focusing is hard; it takes practice.
There is not too much to do. Yes, I fill my days with little unimportant things that I could do without and when I let go of those, I have all the time I need. I’m learning to recognize what is necessary and what adds value to my life and what doesn’t.
I’m not too tired. I have enough energy for this moment and this one and this one. There will always be enough strength for the next step when it comes and I don’t need to worry about the next day or even the next paragraph. All that I need is what I have in this moment. This is the revelation that comes with being still – when we learn to be fully present we discover the fullness of our own presence, and God’s. When you fill this moment with your attention, this moment will fill you. He will fill you – again and again as long as you keep coming to be filled and to be known.
I don’t have to know what to say. If I show up, the words will come. I just started reading The Complete Artist’s Way and one of the foundational exercises is Morning Pages – three pages of unfiltered, unedited stream of consciousness every morning. I’m learning to unblock constipated creativity.
This is important. For me to formulate thoughts and push them to paper (or screen), for us to find space to be our authentic selves, to dream and plan and do – it’s important, and it’s so necessary.
I’m learning how to let go of these fears that keep me procrastinating and avoiding the things that matter to me.
“For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (of cowardice, of craven and cringing and fawning fear), but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of calm and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control.” 2 Timothy 1:7 AMP (emphasis mine)